Pulled Pork and Box Cake

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Pulled Pork and Box Cake
Janelle Meraz Hooper

For all the wives who hate football…

   Shelly’s feet hit the floor at six every Sunday morning during football season. She had a lot to do because her husband’s friends always invaded their living room to watch the big game on their new, huge tv screen.

   How she hated that tv. Even when a football game wasn’t on, all she saw when she looked at it was her canceled trip to Italy that she’d saved years for. Roy hadn’t even asked her before spending her vacation money. One day he just went to the big box store to pick up some batteries for the remote control and came home carrying a box big enough to hold an inflatable boat. How dumb was she? She should have known something was up when he went to the warehouse store to buy batteries instead of the drugstore on the corner.

   Then, Seattle got hit with a rainstorm so severe that the game had to be canceled. Shelly fussed and fumed while she put the pork roast in the oven for the pulled pork, iced the beer, and mixed up a box cake. You see, even though the game had been canceled, the men were coming over to watch reruns of past games.

   The night before a game, during dinner, he’d always ask her about the menu. His questions were always the same:

   Do you think that the pork roast is big enough?

   You only bought one cake mix? What if someone doesn’t like chocolate?

   Did you get everyone’s favorite beer?

   Did you get plenty of lemons and limes in case someone wants something harder?

   What about tonic water?

   The subject turned to the costumes and painted faces that showed up at every game on tv. Showing her disgust, she said, “if you ever want a divorce, don’t tell me, just paint your face in your team’s colors and wear a plastic watermelon hat on your head.” Roy was quiet but Shelly was so annoyed she didn’t notice.

   The next day, after the football show was over and his friends were gone, Roy disappeared into his den. Shelly got a big plastic trash bag and began picking up the mess the men had left. A few minutes later, a loud yell came out of the den. Startled, she looked up just in time to see Roy come through the door in the full gameday getup of his favorite team: painted face, a game tee-shirt so short it showed his painted belly button and a watermelon hat.

The funny thing was, when he said he was leaving her, the only question that came to her mind to ask was: “Where did you get a plastic watermelon hat during the height of football season?” She’d read that all the teams had been sold out of souvenir hats for weeks.

  For a divorce “present” Shelly gave Roy the big screen tv. She didn’t want it anyway.

   A few days after that, she got a thank-you card from Roy. Inside was a check large enough to cover a trip to Italy and a note saying it was from the Pulled Pork and Box Cake Gang.

 Maybe they weren’t such bad guys after all…

If you like this story, please share! My thanks, Janelle

The author before a performance of Geronimo, Life on the Reservation at the
Joel Mc Crea Ranch

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Short Stories now available on Amazon

https://janellemerazhooperauthor.com/category/the-great-green-gooseberry-gobbler

Short story sale on my Kindle shorts: Harpy & Julianne’s Tomato war, Escape to Laredo, Old Joe’s Pink Cadillac, Rocky Beaches, and There’s a Mouse in the House! are now just $1.99 USD for a short time only. 

Author website for Janelle Meraz Hooper

 

Harpy & Julianne’s Tomato War
Last summer, Harpy & Julianne were fussing over cats and roses in my short story collection, Free Pecan Pie and Other Chick Stories (at regular price). This year, the two senior gardeners are having a tomato war. Kindle only. Suitable for all.

 

 Escape to Laredo cover

Escape to Laredo
To save her family, Gregoria Marteen and her children are fleeing Mexico on a train after the death of her husband. A pastry chef, Gregoria’s first job in Texas is at Bettye Buford’s Bed & Table. It does not go well. Kindle only. Suitable for all.

 

 

9-26-12 Old Joe cover

 

Old Joe’s Pink Cadillac
Old Joe didn’t have much, never did. But, at least, he had Elizabeth,
for a while…before his daughter, Cascade, got out of a women’s correctional facility and took her for a ride while Joe was at work. Kindle only. Suitable for all.

 

 

There’s a Mouse in the House!
A book of short stories and poetry to be read to children 2-6.
Children and parents  alike will love the story content and characters like Okra (the cat), Jamaica (the green parrot), Mr. Hop (the nature-loving farmer), and more. A Worldreader favorite.

 

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At regular price:

Read the first Harpy & Julianne Story here.
Read the first Harpy & Julianne story, Harpy & Julianne’s War of the Roses, here. Paperback & Kindle. Suitable for all. 

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Harpy & Julianne’s Tomato War, excerpt

Tomato war coverHarpy & Julianne’s Tomato War
a short story
Purchase on Amazon

Link to story

My website: Janelle Meraz Hooper

It’s spring! and I thought my readers who garden would like to see a few lines from my new short story. It isn’t on my website yet, but it is available on Amazon.

Harpy and Julianne’s Tomato War
Janelle Meraz Hooper

AN EXCERPT- 1970, Lawton, Oklahoma…On a street in the older part of town, Harpy & Julianne, two gardening senior citizens, wage war over seemingly little things like roses and tomatoes. The trouble began with nineteen cats and prize roses and culminated with a dog named Killer, a racehorse named Moon Dancer, tomatoes, and lemon cake.

“…Everyone had a hustle in their bustle and the air pulsed with excitement when it was Tomato Festival time in Julianne’s hometown of Lawton, Oklahoma. A parade began the festivities that was followed with a tomato-growing competition, and canning competition. Vendors of every sort lined both sides of the streets and artists set up white tents for their art show in the park under the leafy trees. Near the picnic tables, all of the different organizations sold food to raise money for their clubs. The polka club sold sausages and sauerkraut; the Flamenco Club sold a Mexican plate with beans, rice, and enchiladas; The Mahjong Club sold a stir-fry dish served over white rice; and the Comanches sold fry bread. Live music ranging from classical to blue grass floated over the excitement, each style melding into the next.
On the outdoor stage, music teachers held their students’ yearly recitals in music, voice, and dance. Next, children would line up on the same stage to show off their skills in the Asian martial arts, wrestling, and baton twirling. The fun would culminate in a barbecue and a street dance when the sun went down and it cooled off. While the adults danced, a big movie screen showed cartoons for the kiddies, most of whom fell asleep with homemade ice cream all over their faces before Tom caught Jerry or the Roadrunner outwitted the Coyote.
Julianne especially liked the parade. Luckily, the floats and marching bands always lined up on “A” Avenue, right in front of her house, so she had a front row seat without leaving her porch. It seemed that every year at least one of the floats had some sort of mechanical crisis—usually a flat tire—or a decoration that failed to stay put—or a sound system that didn’t work. Each time, the men on the parade committee would descend upon the float that threatened to hold up the start of the parade in an old pickup. Its back was filled with all kinds of quick-fix items known to be useful from years of experience: hammers, saws, staplers, rope, wire, two by fours, and especially duct tape. As soon as the crew would fix one problem, another distress call would come in from another float. Every crisis and its resolution made for great entertainment for Julianne and the friends she invited to share her front porch.
They were a happy bunch and they’d all been friends for years. Belle had been one of Julianne’s bridesmaids. Trude and Vera were sisters who each brought their husbands every year. And, of course, there was always Joe. Joe had gone to high school with Julianne and they’d both gone on to graduate from Cameron University together. Of course, it was just Cameron College back then. The guest list was the same every year and every year Julianne sent out handwritten invitations to Potluck on the Porch! BYOP (Bring your own pot!)
Harpy, Julianne’s cranky next door neighbor, never joined Julianne and her friends even though he was always invited. He stayed inside his house with the windows and doors closed saying that all the racket the kids made interfered with his baseball game. The stubborn man didn’t have air conditioning, and Julianne wondered how he could stand the heat in his little house with the doors and windows shut tight. It had to be sweltering in there. Maybe he filled his bathtub with ice cubes from his fancy refrigerator and listened to the baseball game on the radio in his bathroom. But it didn’t really matter to Julianne what he did…or why. Harpy was just like that. He didn’t like kids. He didn’t like her friends. He didn’t like Julianne. He especially didn’t like her cats! Other than not liking Julianne because of her cats, the only other reason she could figure out for his hostility toward her was he didn’t like it when she wore her nightgown and robe on her back porch when she fed her cats in the morning. “You’re dragging your robe through the cats’ water!” he was known to shout from his back porch. Why did he care? Why on earth he went into such a tailspin over a little wet lace around the bottom of her robe she’d never understand…”


Available on Amazon Kindle. Suitable for all ages.

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